(No, not that Washington – Ed.)

The Washington Post has just published the winning submissions to its annual neologism contest, in which readers are asked to submit alternative meanings for common words.

The winners are:

1. Coffee (n): the person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted (adj): appalled over how much weight you have gained.

3. Abdicate (v): to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade (v): to attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly (adj): impotent.

6. Negligent (adj): describes a condition in which you absent-mindedly answer the door in your nightgown.

7. Lymph (v): to walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle (n): olive-oil flavoured mouthwash.

9. Flatulence (n): emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash (n): a rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle (n): a humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude (n): the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. Pokemon (n): a Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster (n): a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism (n) (back by popular demand): The belief that, when you die, your soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent (n): an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

The Washington Post’s ‘Style Invitational’ also asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. 

Here are this year’s winners:

1. Bozone (n): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

2. Foreploy (v): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

3. Cashtration (n): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

4. Giraffiti (n): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

5. Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.

6. Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

7. Hipatitis (n): Terminal coolness.

8. Osteopornosis (n): A degenerate disease. (this one got an extra credit!)

9. Karmageddon (n): its like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s like, a serious bummer.

10. Decafalon (n): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

11. Glibido (v): All talk and no action.

12. Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

13. Arachnoleptic fit (n): The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.

14. Beelzebug (n): Satan, in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

15. Caterpallor (n): The colour you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you’re eating.

And the pick of the litter:

16. Ignoranus (n): A person who’s both stupid and an arsehole.

We were racking our brains, trying to thinking of something new to put up on the blog when we realised there was a big new client win we’d forgotten to announce.

A global company, no less.

Now it’s not every day you pick up a global client.  In fact, we haven’t ever won one.

Until now.

We’ll give you a clue.

No it’s not Kate Hudson, pictured, rather distractingly, above.

Nor this magnificent 1951 Hudson Hornet.

Nor, indeed, the mighty Hudson river, shown below.

Nope, attractive as they are, none of these Hudsons is our new client. 

That honour goes to Hudson, the global recruitment company who recently appointed us as their creative partners in Scotland.

All of which is great news and something to celebrate. 

Maybe we can invite Kate to the party.

We’re all zipping around the place like coke-crazed rappers, courtesy of our new client, Go Fast energy shots.

A tiny bottle containing a tasty, but potent, blend of ginseng, ginkgo biloba, guarana, caffeine and vitamins B2, 3, 5, 6 and 12. As well as a 100% natural fruit sugar known as Fruit-Up.  And only 5 calories a shot.

Commercial over. Basically, it has all the power of a full size energy drink concentrated into an easy-to-drink 50ml shot. Kind of like the difference between a pint of beer and a shot of bourbon – same number of units, but it doesn’t take you 20 minutes to knock it back.

The question is, does it work?  Indubitably.  And quick as a flash.

But don’t take our word for it, try one, next time you’re suffering from that post-lunch slump in the graveyard slot between 3 and 4pm. It’ll pick you up faster than Russell Brand

Here’s a visual demonstration of what it feels like, shot recently at Knockhill:

“Can you do a fast turnaround topical ad on the George Burley ousting,” asked our client Scotsman.com.

“Already done,” we replied.

 Well, who didn’t see it coming?

The ad shown above is part of a new campaign we’re particularly proud of for our latest client, Cottages and Castles. 

Obviously, it’s advertising the castles bit of their offering and tackling a common misconception held by would-be customers.

Renting a castle is expensive.

Well there’s no getting round it, it is.  But castles are also huge.  Many of them with 15 bedrooms or more.  And if you can get together with a big enough crowd of pals, the per night costs are surprisingly good value.

How does £20 per person per night grab you?  That’s about the same per couple as a Travel Lodge.  Only budget motels don’t come with four poster beds, full size snooker tables, tennis courts, grand pianos, swimming pools…okay, you get the point.

There are six different executions and they’ve been running every week in the Scotsman and every weekend in the Saturday Scotsman and Spectrum magazines, so chances are you’ve seen them already.  (If not, you can see the whole lot here.)

Pete, as you may know, has not long returned from his charity trek in the Andes.

But no matter how good your story, there’s always someone who can top it.

On his return, he got an email from his uncle, telling the tale of his own, rather more extreme adventure.

Apparently, in March and April of this year, Uncle Christopher and his son, Angus, went dog-sledding across artic Alaska for three weeks, camping out in the wilderness in temperatures up to minus 35 degrees.

Not even for charity.  Just for the hell of it.

Only Uncle Christopher didn’t quite make it.  After two days of his Arctic trek, he got severe frostbite on both hands and spent the next seven to eight weeks being treated.

As he rather glibly put it, “It could have been worse – I only lost bits of three fingers.”

Angus continued the trip for three weeks and took many wonderful pictures, like the example above.  You can see the others, as well as some amazing video footage, on his blog of the trip.

Here’s the link.

Doggone it.

Pete has signed up for a crazy stunt.  He’s off to trek for ten days in the remote, high-altitude Lares region of the Peruvian Andes to raise money for Alzheimer’s Scotland.

60 Watt Head of Thinking, Mark Gorman (a.k.a. part time Jubilee FM deejay, the Nightfly) has offered to help by putting together what has all the makings of a fab night oot.  A challenging, but fun, music quiz guaranteed to bring out the competitive beast in all you music lovers. 

Skating effortlessly and randomly through the musical decades, Mr G has created two rounds of testing questions about our common musical heritage.  Enough to keep you gainfully occupied for a whole evening.

So if you think you know your Ash from your Elbow and don’t quaver at the minim entry fee of £40 for a team of 4 (enough, already -Ed) here’s your chance to have a crack at winning the inaugural Alzheimer’s Scotland Music Quiz Trophy.  As well as, of course, having a right good night out and raising some money for an extremely worthwhile cause.

You need a team of four to enter the quiz – the best combination of music brains you can find – and the entry fee is £40 per team, which includes your first drink and a finger buffet – courtesy of Le March Francais – in the interval.  As you’d expect at a musical event, there will be a bar (groan- Ed) with a choice of fine beers and wines available all night at sub bar prices PLUS a trophy for the winning team and best team name. 

Hudson have kindly sponsored the event and are letting us use their fab new Edinburgh offices as the venue.

DATE: 3rd September 2009

TIME: 6.30 pm for a 7.00 pm start

VENUE: Hudson, Caledonian Exchange, 19a Canning Street, Edinburgh EH3 8EG

 PROGRAMME:

 6.30pm  - Drinks and registration

7.00pm  - Music Quiz, part 1

8.00pm - Break for finger buffet

9.00pm – Music Quiz, part 2

10.00pm – Presentation of trophies

To enter, email pete@60w.co.uk stating the names of the individual team members. Don’t forget to come up with a witty team name (and bring it along with you on the night).

At time of uploading this post, there are only 3 tables left.  Don’t procrastinate now.

Our well received house advertising campaign in the Scotsman earlier this year has been very well received by the Scottish Advertising Awards jury.  In fact, it’s been nominated in the Best Press Campaign category.

You an see all the other nominations here.

Only one question: who’s Iain Hank?

Teehee.

Helene set off for a meeting at 9.00 this morning and came back five minutes later having forgotten the Pantone book she needed for the meeting.

“When you’ve got no head, you’ve got legs; as  my Dad always says” she declared, happy as Larry.

Right.